April 1st, 2009
You could hardly sue them for misrepresentation of the facts - the name ‘Twitter’ said it all. But uncovering your client’s 140-character musings had its attractions, especially when the client was Ignacious Spore.
10th Nov 2008. Spore: “Found suitable patsy to dupe with misleading trail of non-existent symbols. Meeting Stephen Fry later.”
Admittedly, I would follow a trail of peanuts if they were laid out with a modicum of design sense. But at this stage there was nothing more than that to suggest I was the patsy in question. I continued to read.
1st Dec 2008. Spore: “Discussed fiscal arrangements with FF. Met Fry again and have decided he’s a knob.”
There was only one FF worth the name and that was LaFlamme. So the raven-haired minx was in collusion with Spore? And who the hell was this Fry character?
Feb 8th 2009. Spore: “Framing the patsy later today. Fry has taken the huff.”
A panic attack of seismic proportions began to take hold as I realised I was being overwhelmed by information. I had the urge to start removing clothes, but with Spore’s picture and Fry’s omnipresence this seemed improper.
I calmed myself with thoughts of giving up computers forever, and living in an electricity-free state. Eventually, I managed to skip forward to the current week. This time, there was a single entry:
29th Mar 2009. Spore: “Fait Accompli.”
Fait Accompli? The panic passed but was now replaced by all-out alarm. Whatever the loon-supreme was up to, I sure as hell didn’t want it accompli-ed, with or without Stephen Fry.
Categories: 1. Graphic Design Dilemmas |
Tags: Ignacious Spore, Stephen Fry, Twitter | No Comments
March 20th, 2009
The discovery that my design client Ignacious Spore had been using Twitter had jolted me out of my force ten apathy towards the micro blogging site.
Spore had already sent me on a wild goose chase involving the worst logo in the world, Jack Daniels, and the raven-haired minx Fifi LaFlamme (who was now a best-selling author after her self-help book ‘Help Yourself To Drink’ had gone top ten).
His nefarious activities began with a request that I analyse the religious symbology of his ‘IS’ monogram, in the mistaken belief that I was a certain Harvard professor. This column had become increasingly silly ever since.
But the fact that the slippery nutjob could have been posting 140-character clues on the utterly pointless typing-based me-fest that is Twitter was just too intriguing to pass up.
My path was clear. I clicked ‘follow.’
Categories: 1. Graphic Design Dilemmas |
Tags: Fifi LaFlamme, Ignacious Spore, Twitter | No Comments
March 18th, 2009
The Admiral had explained ‘twittering’ to me in words of one syllable and yet I still found the concept baffling. I asked for a diagram.
Later that evening I began to explore for myself. There had to be a reason for the popularity of this typing-based pastime and I was determined to find it.
I arrived at the conclusion that the world was in the grip of typing-induced delirium, because after several hours spent amongst all this random keyboard spawn, I was unable to find any actual writing.
I was also finding it difficult to see the possible attraction in following the nonsensical ramblings of strangers when I could barely follow my own.
But just when I was about to give up on the idea altogether and slide into coma-level apathy, I stumbled upon a correspondent by the oddly familiar name of @Spore, who was about to change my opinion altogether.
Categories: 1. Graphic Design Dilemmas |
Tags: Ignacious Spore, The Admiral, Twitter | No Comments
March 12th, 2009
Even though the Admiral was using a mobile phone rather than a keyboard, I still felt that he was essentially typing. But he took issue with this, insisting he was neither typing nor texting, but in fact ‘twittering.’
“Twittering?” I queried. “Not typing?”
“Hmm.”
“Not texting?”
“That’s right. It’s when you describe in 140 characters or less what you are doing. Let me give you an example.” He began poking at the device. “Going to meet my colleague, the eminent psychologist Lydia Pine-Coffin.” He looked pleased with this.
“But you’re not. You’re typing.”
“Well yes, but you misunderstand. It’s about social networking, it’s about micro blogging.”
“It’s about typing.” I took the device and punched in the following letters: ‘hav just stuffd my armdillo and now thinkng tacos for brekfst.’ I showed him this marvellous piece of prose. “Typing.”
“You’re being childish now,” he scolded. “Deliberately obtuse.”
“Bum bum bum,” I retaliated, deciding to stick with childish rather than have to look up obtuse. “You don’t need 140 characters to describe what you’re doing. Just write ‘typing.’”
But it seemed the Admiral was far from alone. Most people’s list of hobbies would be headed with ‘typing’ if they ever dared admit it. Maybe it was like going to the bathroom - I enjoy my rest breaks but I wouldn’t necessarily class them as a hobby.
Categories: 1. Graphic Design Dilemmas |
Tags: Ignacious Spore, The Admiral, Twitter | No Comments
March 3rd, 2009
I went to visit the Admiral hoping he might be able to explain the Da Vinci Code to me in semaphore or some other language I might understand. I felt the story may help me solve the mystery behind the worst logo in the world, but I wasn’t so committed to the idea that I would read all 600 pages myself.
I found the Admiral in typical pose, hunched over some miniscule technical device, poking and prodding, his milk-bottle glasses growing thicker by the hour.
But it turned out this wasn’t another piece of his electronic fiddling. He was texting, and the miniscule device was in fact a phone.
It was difficult to see how this gadget could be dialled by anyone outside Lilliput, and this gave rise to my theory that either phones were shrinking or my hands were expanding at an alarming rate.
And just when I was getting to my next question - how could a form of typing ever become so popular? - the Admiral dropped a bombshell. He wasn’t typing. He was ‘twittering.’
Categories: 1. Graphic Design Dilemmas |
Tags: Ignacious Spore, The Admiral, Twitter | No Comments
